by Dayna Mason

Even though I’m not religious, several decades ago I decided to give up sugar for “Lent”—a Christian religious timeframe which begins on Ash Wednesday (Mar 5th this year) and ends on Easter. It’s a time of reflection, and giving up (fasting) something that’s not working well in your life. At the time I knew I wanted to cut back on sugar (I have a sweet-tooth, and it wasn’t rare for me to eat dessert for dinner). By Easter everything tasted different. Sweet things tasted sickeningly sweet, and I no longer wanted sugar in my coffee (decades later still drink my coffee without sweetener).

This year I’ve decided to give up complaining for Lent. 

Because, complaining doesn’t attract what we want; it perpetuates what we don’t want. It keeps us focused on the problem, not the solution. When we complain in the name of “venting” we seek to feel validated. We aren’t truly looking for solutions, just validation. When we gossip, we are complaining to feel superior or better than the person we’re talking about. 

Circumstances don’t make us who we are, they reveal who we are. This is why two people can experience the same circumstances and react completely differently. Our outer world is merely a reflection of our inner world. 

“If you don’t like something change it. If you can’t change it, change your attitude. Don’t complain.” – Maya Angelou

Our thoughts produce our beliefs, and our beliefs determine our actions. When we repeatedly complain or engage in gossip, we wire our brains for negativity. Negativity becomes a habit that not only dampens our mood but prevents us from seeing the good even when it’s right in front of us. Gratitude highlights the good that is already in our lives and promotes confidence in more good things to come.

Research suggests that making a habit of complaining can wire the brain so that negativity becomes ingrained. Because the brain is so malleable it’s also possible to rewire this orientation to positivity.

Will Bowen, the author of the book, “A Complaint-Free World,” suggests wearing a bracelet and switching it to the other wrist every time you complain until you’ve completed 21 consecutive days without complaining, thus forming a new habit. 

Complaining in any form makes both the complainer and the listener feel worse. Regardless of our method of complaint, negative thoughts release chemicals in the body that cause stress. Conversely, positive thoughts release feel-good chemicals. Chronic complaining can adversely impact both our mood and our health while being appreciative improves our health and attitude toward life. 

So, I will stop complaining for the 40-days of Lent and focus on gratitude.

Be specifically grateful

When we regularly practice gratitude by taking time to notice and reflect on things we’re thankful for, we feel more alive, sleep better, and exhibit more kindness and compassion.

Gratitude journaling has become a popular way to practice feeling thankful daily. One common method is to write down three things you’re grateful for each day. This works because over time it changes our perception by adjusting what we focus on. This practice is most effective if we keep our daily list fresh with specific newly identified things. For example, if day after day we list “I’m grateful for my job,” our brains will be less likely to look for new moments to appreciate throughout the day. Instead, one day we might list “I appreciate being able to work part-time” the next day we may list “I appreciate my coworker for bringing me coffee.” Both thoughts are things we might appreciate about our job, but they are specific and different each day.

Psychologist Robert Emmons suggests that focusing our gratitude on people rather than circumstances or material items enhances the benefits we experience. This is further enriched when we share our appreciation for someone with them. The more specific the better. Saying, “I appreciate you” is not as powerful as saying, “I appreciate how kind you are to others.”

 “You are today where your thoughts have brought you; you will be tomorrow where your thoughts take you.” -James Allen

We can choose what we think about and focus our attention on. When we give up complaining and shift our attention to what we have instead of what we lack, we wire our brains to find more things to appreciate. This complaint-free, gratitude search can help us see all the good that is in our lives that we’ve been missing and lead us to attract more good things. Once we’ve established this new habit, we may find that with so much to be thankful for, we’re happy and love our lives.

I look forward to updating you with the results of this experiment after Easter.